


practice, perfect

by calvinahobbes



Series: dnp tumblr prompts [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2020, M/M, Mention of Suicidal Ideation, VidCon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: Before VidCon London, Dan helps Phil practice for his solo meet-and-greet.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: dnp tumblr prompts [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649869
Comments: 44
Kudos: 130





	practice, perfect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ahappyphil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/gifts).



> For Keelin who wanted “pre VidCon practice meet and greet with Dan“ <3

“Alright, ready?” Dan asks.

Phil squirms a bit and rolls his eyes. “Sure.”

“Hey,” Dan says and points his index finger at him. “You know it’s a good idea.”

“I know!” Phil huffs. 

That doesn’t change the fact that it feels silly to be stood in his kitchen getting ready to do some roleplaying.

“I’ll do an easy one,” Dan says. “Here I come. And the assistant waves me forward...” He walks up to Phil. “Get your arms out!” he whines, and Phil flinches.

“Oh right, sorry,” Phil says and goes up to him and flings his arms around him.

“Don’t walk forward!” Dan whines and slips out of his grasp. “Again!”

This time Phil gets it right. Dan steps back and hands over a piece of paper standing in for a letter.

“For me?” Phil says. “Thank you! I look forward to reading it later.” He makes sure to look Dan in the eyes, and Dan does an almost eerily good job of impersonating a shy person who isn’t quite making eye contact.

“I just wanted to say that I really love Snokoplasm. It was the first video of yours I watched.”

“Thank you!” Phil says.

“Could you sign this for me, please?” Dan hands over another piece of paper.

“Sure!” Phil scribbles on the paper and hands it back. “Wanna get a photo?”

“Could we do one like...” Dan gestures. “With like the thinky faces?” 

It’s kind of uncanny how well Dan does it. It’s so familiar in its combination of conviction and vagueness; people who know exactly what they want and yet fail to really express it.

“Absolutely. Back to back or..?”

Dan shakes his head. “Like side by side?”

They pose for the imaginary camera. Phil spreads his arms for a goodbye hug. Dan really glomps on and clings just a bit, which is also familiar. 

“Alright, and I take the photo slip,” Dan mimes, “and I exit to your right, and I’m gone.” He takes a few steps and turns to look at Phil.

Phil flops his arms. “I did alright.”

“You did,” Dan murmurs, lips pursed. “Except I think you signed the letter.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “They were blank pieces of paper! How was I supposed to keep track?”

“Fair enough,” Dan snorts. “Anyway, you’ve got this down. That’s not what you’re worried about?”

He has the good grace of intoning it like a question, despite the fact that he knows it for a fact. Phil has whinged about it more than once, which is how they’ve ended up here. It makes Phil’s stomach lurch a bit just thinking about it in this context of pretend.

“Alright, yeah,” Phil says and rolls his shoulders. “Lay an emotional one on me.”

Dan stays where he is, looking at him carefully with those warm familiar eyes. “You know how to do this,” he insists.

Phil can’t help but rush forward and plant a quick kiss on his cute face. 

“Hey! Absolutely no kissing the meet-and-greet guests,” Dan scolds, but he’s smiling. “Get back in your spot!” He gestures and hustles him, and Phil giggles as he goes back into position.

Then Dan takes a moment. He stands very still in his spot, and Phil waits quietly. 

“Hang on,” Dan murmurs almost distractedly and shuffles from foot to foot.

When he looks up at Phil again he looks convincingly wide-eyed and nervous. It does take Phil a little by surprise, but he doesn’t want to flub it, doesn’t want Dan to scold him again, so he opens his arms wide and waits silently.

This hug is brief and furtive, just a delicate press and then Dan flutters back out of his arms. He stares into Phil’s eyes with a soft intensity that almost makes Phil forget to speak.

“Hello,” he says softly. “It’s good to see you.”

Dan doesn’t respond, which also sometimes happens. 

“Did you want me to sign anything?” Phil says, making an effort to keep to that same soft tone of voice.

Dan holds out a fresh piece paper and Phil puts his scrawl on it. Dan’s silence is almost starting to unnerve him.

“Can I just say...” Dan says and then stops.

Phil looks back up at him and is genuinely spooked to see color high in his cheeks, a worrying sheen of wetness over his dark brown eyes.

“You made me feel like I could have friends when I didn’t have any.”

“Oh,” Phil says stupidly. 

This is why he needs Dan. Even as he is standing in front of him, he feels the knee-jerk desire to look over his shoulder for him, to signal him to step in and take the lead on this one. But he won’t be there on Saturday. Phil will have to do stuff like this alone.

“I didn’t have anyone who liked the things I liked. But I used to watch your videos and they always made me laugh.” 

Dan swallows and Phil thinks he is actually about to cry, even as a voice at the back of his mind tells him that that’s an outrageous idea. They’re just playing pretend.

“You inspired me to hold on. If it hadn’t been for you I never would have started making my own videos, and if I hadn’t started making my own videos I never would have met all these wonderful people who are part of my life now.”

“Oh, well,” Phil says, still just feeling stupid. “I’m glad you started making your own videos. That’s so lovely to hear.”

Dan nods but it’s as if he is barely listening. “There was a time when I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a part of this world anymore, but you being yourself made me believe I could be too. So. Thank you.”

Phil kind of wants to stop this right now, but he steals himself and continues to look Dan in the eye and says, “I’m very glad you’re still here.”

Dan’s lip quivers, and he nods.

“Let’s get a photo, yeah?”

Dan nods again and steps in close, pressing himself to Phil’s side. Phil curls his hand around his shoulder and squeezes, which he knows he wouldn’t normally do. 

He looks at Dan when they step apart, searching for his eyes once again. When Dan looks back at him, Phil says, “I’m really proud of you.” He feels an uncomfortable lump in his throat but he speaks past it. “Keep being yourself, okay?”

“Thank you,” Dan says and smiles. There really are genuine tears in his eyes. 

The old familiar unproductive urge to fix things so Dan won’t feel so bad is whooshing through his head like a wash of grey noise, but he knows he can’t actually do anything and he feels fairly limp with powerlessness.

Phil opens his arms for another hug, and no surprise, this time Dan squeezes him tightly but still briefly. He walks away without really looking at Phil, who stays standing, practically rooted to his assigned spot.

Dan doesn’t go to his spot. He keeps walking, clear across the living room floor to the balcony doors where he stops and stares out. For a moment Phil just watches him stupidly. 

Then he goes over to him, slipping his arms around his waist and clinging tightly, pressing his cheek to Dan’s shoulder. Dan slips his arms over Phil’s and tips his head back with a huff.

“Alright, baby?” Phil says gruffly. He hardly feels alright himself.

“Yeah,” Dan says and it sounds as if he’s smiling. He twists and Phil raises his head so they can have eye contact out of the corner of Dan’s eye. “I think you just met 17-year-old me.”

“Yeah? He seemed to have some stuff to say.” Phil squeezes him round the middle.

“He’s a pretty big fan.” Dan turns in the circle of his arms, draping his arms over Phil’s shoulders. “So ‘m I, come to think of it.”

Phil leans in for a kiss. Dan brushes his lips against Phil’s sweetly.

Dan leans back and gives him a serious look. “You saved me.”

“Stop,” Phil mumbles. It’s not the first time Dan has said something like this, not by far, and it’s not that Phil wants to dismiss how he’s feeling, but it will probably never stop feeling like an overwhelming thing to be told.

“You probably saved more than one other person,” Dan goes on.

Phil wants to squirm but resists. There’s really nothing probably about it. He knows, because people have already told them before.

“And that makes me proud of you,” Dan says.

Phil tips his forehead into the space between Dan’s shoulder and ear. “Thank you,” he mumbles. 

It’s Dan’s turn to squeeze him.

They stand in the hug for what feels like a satisfying amount of minutes. Finally Dan sighs and squirms a little and leans back to have a look at him. He runs a hand over Phil’s face, into his hair, and cups the back of his neck. “Come cuddle me on the sofa?”

Phil nods.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/611339848167686144)


End file.
